I'm at a Crossroads ...

I really don't know if I want to laugh or cry.  Then, at times, I just wish I could hang a punching bag from one of the trees outside.  Hell, (I mean) Heck, if they won't let you even have a clothesline (cause you can't afford a dryer) outside, do you really think they are going to allow you to hang a punching bag?

You see, I live in a senior complex with some really nice (and a few not-so-nice) ladies ... and a couple of gentlemen in a very small town in NE Texas ... where the population has shrunk by about 230 people from 2000 to 2010.  Mostly because the old people die and the young ones leave, cause there's no place to work (unless you drive an hour away ... if you're lucky enough to have a vehicle) and nothing to do ... except the football games or fishing.  Every once in a while, people will come in from other counties or states for the Big Bass Tournaments a the big lake nearby ... and around the county for the Old Settlers Reunion (a week of carnival rides, Gospel Music and Bluegrass Music) at the hottest time of the year.  Oh yeah, this is also the County Seat, so ya might wanna call that our "County Fair" ... minus the livestock shows ... they save that for the one in the next county, when they have the big NE Texas Fair ... or go to the one in Dallas (With the giant cowboy that waves and says "HOWDY") ... or go to the Big Balloon Fest in July in Longview ... a couple a counties to the east.  

Either way, if you don't have wheels, ya might as well forget it ... your stuck.  Which brings me back to my first thought here ... I really need to find something to do to bring some life back into these people ... before they all die off ... or I do ... either from boredom ... or this damn (oops) darn cancer that's eatin' away at me from the inside out.


That's what I need the punching bag for, cause this thing is really pissin' ... errr ... makin' me mad!!!  And this Big City West Coast/East Coast/been -around-the-world Girl is about to go nuts .. havin' ta watch my language (we have the "Real Church Ladies" here) and Ima startin' ta talk like 'em and dress like'em and I'll be danged if Ima goin' ta start thinkin' like 'em! 

YIKES!!! See what I mean?  Maybe what I really need to do is take a trip back to California, or maybe back to the Gulf Coast of Florida.  I have good memories in both places.  They fed my creative bug ... expanded my artistic talents that seems a bit stifled here.  


I don't know what to do right now.  I can't really think or dream about anything right now.  I don't even know if I will be in any shape to do any traveling after they get done with all their radiation and who knows what else.  I already know I'll never be able to sing again, though I was real happy I could at least still talk ... till I found out they had to scrape what they could from my larynx and inside my windpipe, but couldn't get it all without taking all of that out and leaving me with a hole in my neck to breathe with.  As it is, the radiation may kill my larynx anyway.


I do know one thing ... I'm not quitting ... no matter how long it takes ... or what BS I have to go through.  It's just ... right now ... I'm in Limbo ... with no where to go, nothing to do ... AND NO DAMN PUNCHING BAG TO HIT!!!


Hmmmm ... I wonder if momma will let me put one up by her house at the lake ... hmmmm.


*Putting on thinking cap of where to find old duffle bag, sawdust and chains*